Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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