I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
