Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
