so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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