I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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