you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
