New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
