I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
