just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
