i would one night stand the shit outta him
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
