i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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