Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
