her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
