I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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