thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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