i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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