Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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