oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
