everyone is single if you try hard enough
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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