you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
