i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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