so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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