There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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