We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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