i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What a dumb baby whore.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
