That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Come share oat with me in your robe
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
