how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
