Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
