I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
