yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
