you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
