Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
