I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
