Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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