Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
