You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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