I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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