And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
