Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
