Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
