you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
