who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
