My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
