TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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