you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
