Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
