I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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