i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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