I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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