So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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