CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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