True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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