Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
