never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
