I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't put those talents on a resume
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
