The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
