I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
